Are You Being Served?

Floor Displays

by

John and Liza Hotchkiss

---------- 1972 ----------

Pilot Episode

Mash brings in the Beauty Bell point of sale model. This is a neck to waist model wearing a bra. When turned on, the breasts light up. Slocombe complains she doesn't want that common thing in her department. Mash quickly states that she's just jealous because she cant light up like the model. Slocombe instructs Brahms to hide it, but Peacock stops her saying Grace Brothers has sole concession over Beauty Bell and please display it somewhere prominent or she will have trouble with the buying department. Slocombe tells Brahms to find someplace "prominent", in the mean time she will just shove it under the counter. When Peacock, Slocombe and Grainger exit Rumbold's office, Grainger offers her a small "foot" on his display stand. Slocombe accepts his gracious offer and states "I know the very thing." She pulls out the Beauty Bell display and places it on top of the center display turning it on. Grainger promptly phones Rumbold.

---------- 1973 ----------

His and Hers

This is a push cart with "His and Hers" perfume advertising on it. The staff finds out that there is going to be a scent display set up where the gents and ladies central display is located. Slocombe and Grainger disapprove of this from the start. The staff then makes plans to sabotage the "His and Hers" display. Lucas comes up with a plan that he thinks will work. After lunch the rest of the staff is waiting for Lucas to return from setting his plan into motion. Lucas installs a microphone inside of a dummy's head wearing a hat. Very soon after a customer approaches the display stand and Lucas overrides the tape recorder that is playing the advertisement by saying nasty remarks to chase away the customer. The plan works and chases away the customers. Peacock quickly tries to shut off the tape recorder but in the process he ends up ruining the tape. Later in Rumbold's office the staff finds out that the plan worked and the "His and Hers" girl left the store. Rumbold then informs the staff that "His and Hers" is a part of Grace Brothers and that Young Mr. Grace is coming down to see how things are coming along. Rumbold also informs them that Mr. Grace will not be happy to find out that the "His and Hers" girl left. The staff then promptly runs the "His and Hers" stand own their own.

---------- 1974 ----------

The Clock

Mash brings out a promotion for Pussy Boots, a woman's fuzzy slippers. This is a fake cat,(battery operated) lying down on a box. Mash activates the display and the cat's eyes light up. The mouth opens and closes as the tail moves up and down while it purrs and meows. A woman's voice can be heard stating smoothly, "Pussy Boots, Pussy Boots". When Mash demonstrates for Peacock how it works, the display acts normal for a minute, then starts to go awry. The tail goes in a complete circle as the head starts turning quickly and the voice speeds up. The animal explodes in a cacophony of smoke. After the room clears you can see that the front panel of the box had blown off and the cat's head has popped off sitting way above the body on a metal rod. Peacock firmly instructs Mash to take it to the vet. Mash replies, "Very amusing Captain, very amusing." He removes it.

Hooray for the Holidays

Mr. Mash brings out a display for the Firm you up Fat Fighter Control Corset. It is a torso dummy wearing a pink fat fighter corset. Mash has to go and get a piece for the display to make it work. He returns with the piece and applies it to the display. After he fixes the display he demonstrates how it works. The stomach on the torso dummy inflates and deflates as if breathing. Peacock replies that it would be more acceptable if it did not inflate quite so much. Peacock then pushes on the stomach of the dummy while it is deflating. Peacock held the stomach in on the dummy while it was inflating and instead of the stomach filling with air the boobs filled up with air. Slocombe tells Peacock that he did not improve the matter. Peacock tells Mash to remove the display.

---------- 1975 ----------

Up Captain Peacock

These are the Sensi-touch Rubber Gloves. These are demonstrated on a pair of hands on a back round that moves up and down as if playing a piano. Mash activates the display for Slocombe and she immediately decides she doesn't like it. She beckons Peacock to look the display over. Peacock informs her that he has already seen this excellent display, approved it, and given authority for it to be displayed on her counter. Slocombe proceeds in telling him that she will go over his head about the matter. Not liking her tone with him in front of a junior he encourages her to put the whole matter up in front of Rumbold. Slocombe asks Brahms to remove herself and when she does Slocombe calls Peacock a pompous twit. Peacock brings the matter to Rumbold. Brahms questions Slocombe what she is going to do if the display is approved by Rumbold. She replies, "I'm not taking any chances... pass me the scissors!" Peacock returns with Rumbold to review the now covered display. When Slocombe uncovers it, it is apparent that she rigged the display so that instead of the hands playing the piano they were bobbing up and down giving the 2 finger salute, the British obscene gesture.

New Look

This is The Cami Shirt. This is two dummies on a stand. One sports The Cami Shirt while the other has a regular shirt. When Mash activates this one, the dummy with the regular shirt has his shirt ride up as if walking. Grainger says that this should boost their sales. Right after his statement, the boxer shorts on the dummy without the Cami Shirt fall down exposing the dummy's butt. Humphries adds, "Either that or it will knock the bottom out of it". Mash removes it to be fixed. Upon his exit, Slocombe stops him to complain to him about being on the floor after opening hours. "I've only got on thing to say to you!", he states infuriated. Slocombe interrupts him saying she doesn't want to hear another word. Mash simply says, "All right then...", and activates the Cami Shirt display. The boxers fall leaving Slocombe speechless.

---------- 1976 ----------

Christmas Crackers

Mash delivers a point of display model for Everlasting Tights. It is the lower half of a mannequin that has a motor in the base that plays a lovely drop of ballet music. While the music plays, one of the legs kicks in time to it. The display is on a timer to start the music and kicking. Mrs. Slocombe doesn't like the display and promptly complains to Peacock. Peacock replies that he has already had it approved with Rumbold. She argues the point that it is not staying in her department. As she states to remove it Peacock warns her to leave it where it is. During the admonition Humphries distracts Peacock. While they are conversing, Slocombe triggers the display. While the music is playing Humphries mentions to Peacock that they were trying to recognize from which ballet it came from. Peacock states that he thinks its Chaicovsky. Just then the display plants a kick right in Peacocks backside. Humphries chimes to Grainger, "You're right Mr. Grainger, it is The Nutcracker Suite".

Fifty Years On

Harmon rolls out a dummy for the "If you want to get ahead, get a hat week" sale. This is an upper torso dummy sporting a hat shirt and tie sitting on a platform. As Harmon turns on the display, the hat, being on a rod, starts moving up and down as the dummy keeps repeating "I like it." Harmon finds it funny that the eyes of the model which are supposed to light up do not. Peacock instructs Harmon to remove himself from the floor. Harmon returns that he has another display for Slocombe. This is the Flexi-girdle. Harmon states that it will contain a figure that is out of control. Grainger advises Peacock that he hopes that its not going to distract attention from his hat display. The Flexi-girdle, which is the bottom half of a full model wearing a girdle and stockings, is put in place. Peacock tells all that we are working for the same store. After Slocombe complains that Grainger's model is animated and hers does nothing, Harmon comforts her by saying, "Don't underestimate the Flexi-girdle corporation." When Harmon turns the display on, the legs split apart to demonstrate the girdles flexibility. As this happens the hat display pipes in wholeheartedly "I like it!", and the eyes finally light up.

Oh What a Tangled Web

Harmon brings out an upper torso model wearing a wig. A hair dew model from Beauty Bounce. The new washable party wig. You can wash it, crush it, screw it, boil it and it still comes out bambooked fresh. Then Harmon pulls on a fish wire hanging behind the model and flaps of hair on either side of the wig stand straight up. Nothing went wrong with this display.

A Father Christmas Affair

This involves a Christmas display unit. It is a mannequin dressed as Santa. When you drop 50p in the cash box it exclaims, "Ho, Ho, Ho little boy! Have I got a surprise for you!" While he states the above, he holds his arms out as if welcoming the child. Here should be a tub in front of the display where the children "put their sticky little hands in and pull out a magnicifant (magnificant) plastic toy that's made in Hong Kong that costs about 4p", as Harmon put it. Brahms asks about the arms that were supposed to open on the display in a warm and friendly gesture. Harmon proceeds in adjusting it, and when he drops the 50p in the box the display proceeds with its statement and the arms finally open up. The sleeves of the red robe had been sewn to the robe itself giving the dummy the appearance of flashing. Humphries, who had been previously absent for the scene, walks in and inquires if he has missed anything. Rumbold instructs Harmon to play the Santa again for Humphries. When the display flashes Humphries, he passes out and falls into Lucas' arms.

---------- 1977 ----------

The Old Order Changes

This display unit has no name. It is a full dummy that is modeled after young Mr. Grace wearing a hat and suit, and welcomes customers by stating, "Welcome to my store!". After stating this, the dummy raises the hat. As Harmon appears with the display, Rumbold is yelling at him to hurry because it is already a week late and all the other floors already have theirs. Harmon defends that they had certain teething problems... the teeth kept falling out. As Harmon demonstrates it, Peacock notes that it did not raise its hat. Rumbold agrees and demands to know what's wrong with it. After an explanation, Harmon adjusts it and reactivates it. This time when it raises its hat, the head goes with it. Rumbold tells him to remove it and bring it back when it's fixed.

It Pays to Advertise

Harmon delivers life like dummies of Slocombe and Humphries to the floor. The Slocombe dummy is wearing a red wig and a blue dress suit. The Humphries dummy adorns a 3 piece suit. It is standing with one hand on its' hip, and the other hand in the air as if waving. Slocombe says that she refuses to be displayed with a fifty inch bust when her measurements are 38 inches. Harmon obliges by unstuffing the dummy's bra and tells her the trouble is that she's been over stuffed. Slocombe warns Peacock to stop him, that she will not have rough workman's hands inside her bra. Harmon replies, "It could be your last chance." Grainger steps forward and mistakes the dummy for the real Slocombe and complements her by saying how nice her hair looks today. When there is no reply, "All right, ignore me you bad tempered old cow." Harmon's assistant brings out the Humphries dummy as Humphries tells him to be careful where he puts his hands. "You're making his eyes bulge!" Humphries approaches it and holds its' arm bidding it good afternoon and do you come here often. When Peacock asks Humphries his opinion on the dummy and he replies, "Well, it's all right in here, but standing like that I wouldn't give much for his chances in a transport cafe on the A-1." Mentioning also that it looks too posed, Lucas folds the waving hand down as if limp. Humphries becomes irritated at this but asks if that's more normal. Lucas replies, "That's as normal as you're gonna get." Brahms comments that she doesn't like the angle of his head. Humphries attempts righting it, and pulls its head right off. As Harmon takes it away to fix it Rumbold appears to inspect them. Worrying about breaking store property, Humphries takes the place of the missing dummy. Rumbold informs them that the dummies were made for an underwear display. Harmon proceeds to rip off the Slocombe dummies' clothes as Slocombe almost falls over. Peacock asks about the other one as Rumbold tells them to strip it off. Peacock orders Lucas to undress "the dummy". Hesitantly, Lucas unbuttons his vest. Rumbold informs them about having a special event in Y-fronts. Lucas agrees. Mostly stripped off, Humphries is standing still, but now looks very distressed.

---------- 1978 ----------

By Appointment

Harmon sets up a unisex dummy. This is a full dummy that can transform from a man to a woman, or vice-versa. Harmon explains to the cleaning lady what it is and sticks on two "falsies" to the dummy. One of the two is smaller than the other. The cleaning lady mentions that it doesn't look right. As Harmon states "You're right! I got my Raquel mixed up with my Twiggies". The cleaning lady scolds Harmon by telling him he's awful. Later Rumbold enters and tells Harmon to get the model off the floor until it's clothed. Harmon leads it away by the hand singing "Take my hand".

The Club

Harmon retrieves a point of sale model for the Flexi Bra. No matter how wayward your figure, Flexi Bra will cling to it and control it like a second skin. This is a full sized dummy wearing only the Flexi Bra and a pair of panty hose. As Harmon demonstrates the display disks inside the bra cups rotate in circles leaving everyone to stand and stare. Harmon deactivates it as Mrs. Slocombe exclaims to Peacock that she doesn't think there will be a call for that at Grace Bros. Brahms replies thoughtfully that she could have used one of them at the disco the previous night. Slocombe demands Harmon, "Take it back to where form whence it came from". Peacock interrupts to state the point that if Rumbold wishes ue to sell the garment, he thinks they should try it out. Peacock then proceeds to beckon customers over to view the display. The female customer says that she knows all about them, thank you. "In fact I wear one!". She turns on her rotating disks and appears proud. The male customer accompanying her pipes in, "And I have the matching pants!". He turns around to show off the rotating cheeks on his underwear. Humphries watches in disbelief and proceeds to faint into Lucas' arms.

Shedding The Load

Harmon pushes in a point of sale model for The New Iron-clad Hosiery. This is a female manequinn wearing the above mentioned, and a second piece with a hand that appears out of a box set on random timing to rub steel wool on the backside of the dummy. Harmon takes the dummy away upon Slocombe orders because she despises it. Harmon tells Peacock that he'll return for the other half. Meanwhile, Peacock beckons Humphries forward when Humphries requests him to authenticate his commission take for six pair of Y-fronts. While signing his slip, Peacock requests of Humphries to stay after work, not giving him a reason. The reason was of course for an after hours floor meeting. Humphries stands in front of the display half as the random timing initiates, and it seems to Humphries that Peacock is caressing his backside as he asks him to stay behind. Humphries is reluctant at first, but as the rubbing continues he wholeheartedly agrees.

A Bliss Girl

Harmon arrives on the floor with The Bliss Pawn Shop. This is a pull cart with bottles of perfume for sale. The Bliss sales girl can't make it to the store because of the fog. Therefore, Humphries has to (wo)man the display.

Happy Returns

Harmon retrieves a wooden play horse for young Mr. Grace's birthday party. This is a wooden horse on wheels for Peacock, dressed as a toy soldier, to "ride on" This was said to come from "Display" The horse was to high off the ground for Peacock to straddle and trot without "irreversible consequences". When Peacock is instructed by Harmon to pull the reins, Lucas, who just happens to be standing behind the horse gets hit in the crotch with its tail.

---------- 1979 ----------

The Punch and Judy Affair

Harmon brings out a point of display model for The Bikee Briefs. The cycling shorts with the magic long-life gusset. Guaranteed for one hundred thousand grueling miles. This is a mannequin riding on a bicycle wearing Bikee Briefs. The seat on the bicycle is made with sand paper to demonstrate that the briefs can stand up to the roughest of wear. As Harmon activates the display, the briefs begin to smoke from to much friction. Lucas exclaims, "Oh look! Its got a fifth gear!". At this time Lucas initiates the higher speed. The display goes berserk as it speeds up and begins to smoke profusely. The whole of the staff simply observe in amazement. With sparks and smoke, the display gives out with a huge bang.

---------- 1981 ----------

Is it Catching?

Harmon rolls out a point of sale display for the Winter Wonder Weather Worthy Willies. This is a bit of simulated British countryside, i.e. mud. The willies, (galoshes), are sitting on top of the mud. Harmon explains that when a customer approaches the stand, you turn on the switch to demonstrate. The Willies begin moving up and down in the mud as the display is turned on, making a ghastly noise. Slocombe complains to Peacock in defense that she hopes he doesn't expect her to sell Honeymoon nighties with that noise going on. While they are arguing, the boots continue walking and progressively sink into the mud in the display.

---------- 1984 ----------

The Night Club

Harmon delivers a front door from display for the club. This is a door with lights around it. During the filming of the commercial for the club, Harmon tries to open the door as the knob pulls off in his hand. They finally have to take off the hinges as Humphries becomes flustered and tells them to remove it.

No display episodes

Sit Out

Conduct Unbecoming

Do you take this Man?

Strong Stuff This Insurance

The Apartment

Mrs. Slocombe, Senior Person

The Hero

Anything You Can Do

German Week

Shoulder to Shoulder

The Hold Up

The Junior

A Personal Problem

The Erotic Dreams of Mrs. Slocombe

The Sweet Smell of Success

Calling all Customers

Monkey Business

Lost and Found

Goodbye Mrs. Slocombe

No Sale

Forward Mr. Grainger

The Hand of Fate

Cold Store

Wedding Bells

The Think Tank

Cold Comfort

Coffee Morning

Memories are Made of This

Dear Sexy Knickers

Our Figures are Slipping

Camping In

Take Over

Goodbye Mr. Grainger

The Pop Star

Gambling Fever

Friends and Neighbors

Roots?

The Agent

Heir Apparent

Closed Circuit

Grounds for Divorce

Front Page Story

Fire Practice

Mrs. Slocombe Expects

A Change is as Good as a Rest

Founders Day

Diamonds are a Man's Best Friend

Last Modified 02/09/00
© John and Liza Hotchkiss (Text)